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Document In Madness Still insane. |
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| Extract from a paper journal (undated) | |
| Apr. 11, 2002 ] 11:32 PM | |
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I know when I am stressed, out of sorts or just feeling pressurized. It is the sort of feeling that you get when you feel that the metaphorical weight which can manifest physically in a crushing sensation in your chest area appears. I start doing odd things to my body. Nothing as drastic as getting something sharp to slice myself. It�s tempting but I am too vain and self preserving to do something like self injury. I do other things. Like squeezing zits, plucking eyebrows or plucking every single hair from my legs. Trust me, if you ever waxed before, try plucking each hair out. It�s tedious and painful but it�s relieving in an odd way. Maybe it�s sadomasochistic. I don�t know. I found new scratches on my leg. New ones. I have no idea how I get them. They are always on the left leg. And they look awkward or different than if I had just randomly scratched myself to relieve an itch with my fingernails. And the thing is, they always appear in the day. Blah. I can�t read my diaries that date from that period. It repulses me. A taste of revulsion so strong it becomes a physical taste of gall in my mouth. I don�t know.
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