I get to experience another culture, immerse myself in it, if I wanted to, which admittedly, I have not always done so. I did try for the first couple of years, but human nature being what it is, seeks out the familiar. I straddled two worlds, two cultures, enjoying the different culture and sticking to what I like before finding my niche, without losing my own cultural background. I found others who were like me. Feeling somewhat estranged from their own culture, yet drawing strength from it and always ready to experience different things and discovering what suited us best.

After all, this is something different from the little girl that grew up feeling lost in her own country. Feeling despair because she wanted to be part of the assembled line yet somehow breaking the mould when it came to her turn. I wanted to stay in the Singapore education system. Perhaps it sounds sad and pathetic to some people, but it was home, it was where I grew up, it had all the familiar comforts I have come to expect and accept. And I never thought myself truly stifled in Singapore until adversity came and changed all that. And I realised then, that I did chafe at the yoke they placed on everybody, but I did not realise that it chafed so much until I went abroad.

A few years ago, if I was reading about Singaporeans wishing to be abroad somewhere, I would have thought that they were fools. They have a whole life here and they wished to throw it all away for the unknown, and the perceived beauty of the unknown?

I still do think that way sometimes, but now I understand why they feel so restricted. And I have come to understand what I cherish about home, and what I do not.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes you realise why it grows fonder.

And that is the most important aspect of love. Why you love something. If you "love" something, you should know and the why of it. It is a good solid reason. You have a foundation to build upon that love.

If I had nothing to compare the Singapore culture with, I would never have realised that I was not truly happy there, and why it was so. I now want to return home, if only for the valued sense of my puny roots, and because I understand why I want to. You may hate the system, but you will always love your country. I now truly understand why my BF can bitch about his government and the system in New Zealand but will always love it. The country is a part of you. It can never be destroyed or supplanted in your affections, unless of course, you always felt lost and need a new anchor.

A stint overseas has taught me strengths I never knew I had. I met Captain Sarcasto here. I found people who think as I do. Home is what you made of it. Home is where your roots are. You may up and transplant yourself elsewhere, hold different passports but you will always regard your home as your real home. Or you can settle down somewhere else and regard the new place as your true home, but you see your old country through a nostalgic mist, and you will come to realise that it is a part of you and accept it to become a better person.

I found out that there was a world out there to be discovered other than the four blank walls of Singapore. Knowing is not the same as actually experiencing it. I understand that there's a whole world to be discovered and I will discover it, if only in part, but they are merely sojourns I think. I might not return to live in Singapore for the rest of my life, but I will always know that it is my home.