The other reason, which I have given serious thought to, and am close to convincing myself of, is karma. If you have gauged the trend from my previous diary entries, (dating all the way back in September 2002 from the previous address), all I did was bitch and whine about my life. If you believe in karma, you languish in ill fortune because you immure yourself in your own petty stewing. And that is what I have been doing for much of the year. If you read other blogs, most people lead contented lives with the occasional invidious annoyance. I on the other hand, seem to lead a terrible life with the occasional bright lining.

And what leads me to this fateful conclusion? I have had a streak of incredible ill-fortune this year. Carelessness, a disgusting lack of self-responsibility, call it what you wish. I lost several valuable sentimental objects in the space of a month; and my dad had to have a surgery. The bf is fine, but I can't help but feel that I am just manipulating him for my own amusement. My previously fairytale world collapsed like the bubble economy of the 80s.

So I have resolved to throw down the gauntlet, and to write about happy technicolour moments more often, rather than burst a vein in spewing out venomous emptiness, or not write at all. If it changes my karma, and makes me a happier person, it is worth a shot at. Oh wait, that wouldn't be a true reflection of my world would it? But the truth is, it probably will force me to see the nicer side of things rather than just the ill.

Of course given my current state of lethargy, it isn't that onerous a task. But given the state of my writing, I am not sure that is such a good idea. Like I mentioned earlier, writing requires discipline, and I think a little discipline is sorely needed for me right now.

This is probably another excuse to fritter away my youth. Time, I have to learn, is not a unlimited resource.