One: What am I doing here?

Two: Ya, it's been barely five weeks ago since you went all weird and chopped all that hair off. And you are paying another 55 bucks to trim that centimetre that has grown?

One: Well, it was all puffy the whole of yesterday. Everyone thought I just tumbled out of bed. I think I need it to be neater.

(Me admiring myself in the mirror.)

Two: Right. I'm sure making it shorter when it needs to be longer and heavier to ensure a neater flatter head is going to work.

Three: I don't think my hair is ugly. I think it's perfect the way it is. So kawaii. So Japanese.

(Stylist arrives and apologises for being late.)

Three: Oh damn, he's here. Does this mean I don't get to finish the article on "Dancing girls in Lahore, Pakistan"? I was getting to the nasty bits about how women are exploited and the sex trade.

Two: Typical. We are sexually deprived I tell you.

(Stylist proceeds to outline what he wants to do to hair.)

One: Eh... but, but..., I didn't get to flip through hair-styling magazines. Did he just decide a style for me? I hope I don't look awful. I know I am going to look awful. Oh well, I suppose he's good, he's from Toni & Guy. They are really good, I think. So it should be alright.

Two: Yeah, for that kind of money he had better be good.

One: I should have asked for the Japanese guy or maybe the lady from the last time.

(Stylist starts snipping away and spraying mists of water onto hair)

One: I wonder what I will name my kids.

Two: Hey that bitch's sister won third place in that modeling contest. Yuck. She's only average looking.

Three: Heh. Nasty aren't you?

One: I don't think that's nice because she's not too bad looking. I think I will name my son Alexander.

Two: Like that ex-stingy boss of yours?

Three: Gross.

(Meandering thoughts of little interest... except maybe the replacement of some private joke between the BF and me

(Stylist snips for a while before starting to blow-dry hair)

One: But, but it's only been a few minutes? He's done? Argh!!!

Three: Wow, easy job. I wonder how much he earns a month? People like that get to travel. I wonder if I should have apprenticed myself to a hair stylist. I could see the world. I wonder how mom would react if I said I might not be coming home after all.

Two: Right. Waste of money. Shan't say I told you so.

(Stylist resumes work)

One: Whew...

Two: I hope it doesn't end with me looking like a boy. I looked awful the last time I cut my hair here.

(More snipping before Stylist decides to do something fancy like shearing hair to thin it)

One: Ow. OW. OW.

Stylist: "Does it hurt?"

Me: "Nope" (smiles) "It doesn't."

One: Owowowow... (grits teeth)

Two: Looks ugly. Yuck. I think I look like the other hair stylist now.

One: (peers into mirror; squinting heavily but unable to make out more than a blur; need glasses) Eh... (tremulously) At least it accentuates my pointy chin...

Two: Who are you kidding? Like duh. It looks ugly. Call a spade a spade. Call failure, a failure. Yuck. Are you sure he's worth it?

Three: Wouldn't it be funny if he was telepathic?

One: Noooooo. I would just expire on the spot from embarrassment.

Two: I wonder if he insures his fingers? They are his livelihood aren't they? I mean if...

One: Oh he's done...

(Stylist starts massaging mousse into hair. Starts babbling about how hair is so unruly)

Two: Here it comes now. He's going to shamelessly plug a product.

(Stylist recommends a hair gel that costs a neat 43 dollars.)

Two: Owwww... that's a lot of money.

(I reject it, not very tactfully, citing lack of money at this point in time for declining the offer.)

One: Oh dear, as usual I seem to have put my foot in my mouth with my weak "no".

(Stylist shrugs and proceeds to display his handiwork in a hand held mirror.)

One: EEEEKS... I look like a boy. I look terrible...

Me: "Thank you" (big smile) "It's wonderful."

Two: Right. It's called getting stepped on, rolled over, and squashed. Always polite huh.

One: It's good manners. I mean, I need to be nice. It's correct.

Two: That's the problem with you.

Three: Cool. I will stand out from the crowd. Most girls wear their hair long or mid length.

Two: Hey, isn't today the gay-lesbian mardi gras?

Three: I hope we don't get classified as butch.

Two: Is that Indian girl one?

One: Now that's politically incorrect.

Two: Aw...shaddup, pay up and leave.

One: Ooops, did I get up too quickly? Did I hurt his feelings? And my hair will grow back anyway. It will look better in time.

Two: Right, I'm sure. That's what you said the last time and we ended back here in less than 2 months.

One: (defensively)Well, trimming the hair every 6 weeks is good for the hair.

Two: (sarcastically) Yeah, it's been 5 weeks.