I wonder if I scared off my BF with my ambition... to be a pampered home maker. Yeech, he certainly sounded a little quieter after our conversation. I mean I don't want to be married to him. Bleah. That sounded too definite. Just maybe... he seems like a nice guy thus far... but who knows? There are lots of fishies in the sea. Okay, that sounded like something designed to send off paranoid alarms in him, and me, come to think of it.

Grrr... let me just catch you checking out a girl BF, when she checks you out, and you have a rabbit stewing in the pot!

'kay, girls like the one we both checked out that time in the mall are fine. I mean, that's kind of flattering to us both if she checks the BF out. My good taste and his good form. She was gorgeous. You know, tall, darkly beautiful with the unmistakable X-factor that draws attention. Oh and tall. Being a short person, I envy tall women. Oh and I love brunettes. Or redheads. Or those with strictly traditional oriental looks.

Speaking of good physiques and beauty, I was teasing BF about the paunch he said he developed. Okay what he actually said was,"I think my stomach's not as concave as before." which translates, in my mind as "BF's got a potbelly". You know the really obscene looking ones that jut out like the fellow's a pregnant guppy?

Ahhhh the old Venus-Mars conundrum. Men and women do not communicate effectively.

Oh, back to the original topic. There are several reasons why I want to be a homemaker. I'm not a people person. I am gauche and awkward in company and extremely self-conscious. I have little confidence in entering the workforce and actually being happy there. Of course, I seem to have pre-conceived notions of what I will be entering into, none of which looks appealing.

That translates, I think, into a lousy work ethnic: meaning I'm probably going to be a real lazy bitch.

Sigh. As if being cooped up in the house is all roses. After all, it's not as if I'm aiming to be pregnant and barefoot, slaving in the kitchen.

Perhaps what I will eventually get is a non desk-bound job with flexible hours, and best of all, I will get paid to write. I was thinking of starting small and working up. You know, in the media line or something. From the coffee girl to something higher. I don't know. Bleah.

Great, drowzy, dazed and confused. What is next?

An ironic title, hey? :)