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Document In Madness Still insane. |
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| Bleah, what do you want, woman? | |
| Feb. 05, 2002 ] 2:08 AM | |
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My stupid PDA died on me. Wiped out. Brainwashed by the Battery and the power supplier. Terrible, horrible incredible. A disaster. At least I have not had a depressive episode for quite a while. In fact, I think my moods can be classified as normal these days. Or maybe a little on the maniac side.
That's fine with me. No cyclical mood swings, zip, nada, nothing. There's nothing like a disaster to actually put things into perspective. I mean, you are talking about the complete erasure of my entire effort to put some order back into my life. Setting priorites straight, curbing my expenses (except for my mom's shopping list I kept well within my budget), planning ahead. This is considerably good news. I mean, you are talking about a girl who broke down and cried because the cleaning ladies cleaned her room on a Wednesday instead of a Thursday. That was scary. Incredibly frightening. The stability of my whole world collapsed on that day. I thought I made a mistake with my internal clock. Internal clocks are important. Without them I have no idea where my placement in the here and now is. Yes, this sounds neurotic, but it was a moment of confusion and total chaos in my internal world. It was terrifying. And now... after I created a new foundation on which my internal clock rests upon, it collapsed. Yet I cannot summon more than a "Oh bugger, now I have to reinstall everything plus everything else because I didn't back the bugger up." Zip, nada, nothing. No histronics, no inner gnashing of teeth. Best of all, no breakdown. Maybe I'm getting better. I hope not. I do thrive on my melancholy. It makes me write better. |
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