It is. The feelings are genuine. But writing out an outline accomplishes a few things for me. It keeps the situation in perspective so that the problem doesn't become a huge green monster that overwhelms me. It keeps me on track to what I want recorded down. I have a flighty mind, and I tend to forget what I wanted to record in a space of a few minutes.

By organising the entry, it keeps me a sense of control over what can become an entity that has a life of its own. And that gives me security and artistic control. I write my poetry the same way too.

And the outline I write consists of a few phrases that remind me of what I am writing about, and may or may not actually make its way into the final effort. After all, each entry is a flow of thoughts etched into words, painstakingly deciphered by my mind to become an entry. A few months down the road, I can read a seemingly passive entry and am able to gauge my then mood and how much I have improved or de-proved since then.

And the onus about an outline diary is that people do read it. And while English is ostensibly my first language, I do dip into the colloquial English that is so characteristic of English speakers in my country, even the people with the As in English. Culture has all the time in the world to dig her claws into you. You cannot shake her off, no matter how much you try. Not that I will ever really want to. I have to constantly edit my own entries to ensure that there is a minimum of such a vernacular to facilitate the reading of my entries.

And I think Homer said it best when he was commenting about poetry. I paraphrase: If we are seized by the muse, we have to control the outpour or we are merely the mouthpiece of the situation or emotion, and the essence of our self is lost, and the responsibility (originality?) that goes with it.

Besides, Sylvia Plath planned to edit her own entries before publication. That is the mid-20th century equivalent of an online diary. And if we are to let others read our journal, we better not make a mess out of it.

And the final word: online diaries are about self-indulgence. Neither good nor bad, it just is.