I have noticed that she can get pretty mean about people in her conversations, but then, who doesn't? Although I don't really approve (in my self righteousness) of making catty remarks based on the appearance of people whom you do not know or know very well.

But today, at dinner, I realised that she was a racist. A Sino-centric racist. Sigh. I do draw the line at insulting and degrading remarks thrown at a different culture or race. In this case, it was the Malays and the Indians.

And like the coward I am, I didn't raise my voice in defense of anybody. I guess that is abetting the offence. However, I often wonder if such remarks are made from ignorance, pettiness or the need to project the other as less threatening by degrading them.

Perhaps one may see it as harmless fun.

I do not. One, maybe two remarks can be easily dismissed as a terrible taste in humour. But an entire dinner conversation on the perceived unhygenic practices of the non-Chinese?

I find that ridiculous. Senseless.

Small wonder why although I can chatter on with the entire clique that Eye Candy is in, I do not regard them in the same league as Hamlet or Jingle. Hell, they aren't even in the same league as Strawberry.

I sure hope their remarks weren't really made in malice. But sometimes I do wonder about such onerous repetition.

And it is times like this that I wonder if I am a cold fish. I seem to have this innate ability not to fit in with people (in this case, the Chinese community in college, by which I mean the Chinese population that stem from all parts of Asia).

Isolated. Different. Maybe that is why I detest biasedness in all its myriad forms. Because I know what it is like to be different.

It's that or I am over-sensitive.

And perhaps I should learn to speak up. But there is the fear of not jeopardising my relationship with others and kicking up too big a fuss.

I will repeat my analysis of myself. I am a coward. A huge yellow livered person.