Which brings me to this point: why bother justifying anything? Just go with the flow.

I think this line from the song Didn't Leave Nobody But the Baby" sums up my mood perfectly.

"She's long gone with her red shoes on...
Go to sleep little baby,
Go to sleep little baby,
You and me and the Devil makes three
Don't need no other baby..."

Cryptic? You have to hear the mournful tune that goes with the words. Or better yet, see that Siren scene in O Brother Where Art Thou to understand the whole significance of it.

Oh well. I will be doing another year in University. Honours programme. Although that releases me from the stress of a job hunt in an overburdened economy, I am still not happy.

And said point is moot simply because I am deciding on a teaching profession. Teachers are hot commodities. But I think the biggest contribution to such a decision is that I just want an academic life. If I can't study all my life, I will teach. It's an associated pleasure.

Or I could just be over-optimistic. Oh nevermind.

However, I am still stressed because all my grades thus far put me in the range of Honours Second Class (Upper). I am terrified that I won't be able to improve on it and get a First Class, or even worse degenerate into this puddle of worthlessness. Oh nevermind.

Whatever. A year is a long time. Anything might happen. I used to think three years was a long time. And it was. And things have changed.

I hate change. I hate being cryptic. I wish I was drop dead gorgeous. I wish my BF was Singaporean. I wish I wasn't that close to my parents. I wish my daddy hadn't cried when I left for university. I wish I had a million dollars. I wish I had an entire collection of Camper Shoes. I wish I had a wardrobe designed by Marc Jacobs. I wish...

Gosh. I am making myself sick.

Oh nevermind.