An ivory idol of some sort. No flaws the naked eye can see.

A diary grows with its users. One entry may diverge wildly from the next, simply because it charts the troubled waters of life as the person attempts to navigate from the shallows to stormy turbulence to the peaceful calm waters that glitter like molten gold. And when the person is prone to wild mood swings and dramatic exits and entrances in her own mind...

Jingle pointed out today that I was attempting to accentuate all of BF's flaws to her. I must admit I do so especially when I am trying to make a decision. I do it consciously. I do it subconsciously.

Because only then will I be able to walk into the next hall in my travels with him with my eyes wide open and my back straight as a plank.

And besides when the decision becomes concrete, it makes it all the stronger.

And because of it, the past few days of stormy turbulence have brought me peace. Much needed peace. They have shown me the impassable storms were merely exaggerated by imaginative fear. Exposed the bare bones of what I feared to look at. My mortality. My own imperfect soul.

Maybe I am lying to myself. Perhaps. But it will then be justifiable lies. Lies that can be supported and verified and proven and cross-examined until they stand so close to truth as to be unable to be taken as a falsehood.

And that is the perhaps the closest to the truth that an imperfect person will ever get.

Truth is a jewel with many facets. My falsehood may just be a facet of the jewel, and I merely think it a falsehood. Being imperfect I will never know. But thinking that I know, brings me peace.