I see his ex-girlfriend as another one of those discarded reeds. Cast aside. And I fear I am losing my soul as she did. Fear intermingled with loneliness. Is that not a pathetic excuse to be in a relationship?

Sometimes.

I still feel like a shadow of my former self. A wisp of a thing. Floating in a haze of apathy simply because I can't feel anymore. I don't even bother trying to assert my own thoughts anymore on anything simply because it takes far too much energy and time to argue with him, or even to gently point out an alternative. He isn't receptive. I am too stubborn to not try and make someone else see another facet to the situation/argument/random topic of interest. But nowadays, I cannot summon the energy to bother. It is a futile effort.

However, my practical side asserts itself sometimes and points out that my depression occurs at regular cycles which somehow coincide with the menstrual cycle. I wonder, ten years down the road, I would read all these angsty entries and laugh or (more likely) cringe in embarassment at how wonderfully immature I was in my early twenties.

Perhaps.

A note of interest. His brother is breaking up with the girl he went out for the last two months on the grounds of flirtatiousness. I wonder. I know I am capable of extreme flirtatiousness if I wish to. Sometimes I wonder. These things run in the family. A certain conservativeness. A certain reserve. A certain line of thought.