In any case, my topic isn't about diary review sites, but the fact that people do hate to be criticised, or have their flaws pointed out to them. However gently one does it, it is inevitable that once the other party realises that it is criticism, or even a show of a slightly different, not necessary superior, she feels different. Of course, the person spouting the criticism, retort or even the odd witty comment, has to feel superior in terms of intellect. He might be right that he is far wittier, mature and logical in his thinking processes, but when he exhibits them, people may feel awkward or threatened, even if it was an unintentional action.

Yes, strangely enough, this is not about the Beau. It's about Sweet Teeth. He confided in me that he was feeling lost in The Lost One's new group of friends. His incisive comment about the lack of intellectual stimulus in his new social circle set the icing to something else I have been thinking about. He felt that despite the new group's attempts to banter or converse in a mature, witty, sarcastic way or to make some pseudo-intellectual comment, were paltry and pathetic. This is because if he managed to reply, retort or point out a different perspective on things, they would dismiss it, get annoyed, or even worse, start chattering in their own respective mother tongues and ignore him. (He speaks only English.) Or make a personal attack. He reckons it is a difference of levels of thought. But he knows that if he pointed it out, they would get angry with him.

He misses the old group of Hamlet, The Lost One, Strawberry, Capt and me. Simply because he thought that despite debating on the stupidest things, Brazilian Wax, Death Machines, Bank Tellers vs ATMs, politics, at least we could take criticism. We could debate with him on the same level of thought. We actually took the topics seriously and thought out our arguments carefully, as if preparing for a real debate. We did concede points. We never got annoyed with each other in such a debate, which when I think about it, was true. And no personal attacks, that goes without saying.

I do realise that people think differently. Is it my right to feel superior when somehow I seem to be able to make a more "intellectual" statement? Afterall, who judges what is "superior"? The person making the criticism may be making a statement in their own eyes, but the other party listening to the statement, changes it into a criticism. It is a matter of perspective. If a person perceives differently from the others, it does not necessarily mean his words would be more mature or immature?

Okay. I'm just rambling and lost my train of argument somewhere along the way. I just realised that maturity counts a lot in perception. Some people are old before their time and their thoughts and views are more adult. I should know. After reading so many different journals and blogs, I have seen both extremes and everything in between. Who is to say how I should classify each blog and journal?

But there is a certain reserve, an economy of thought, in more mature journals. It does not necessarily come through age because I have seen people far younger than me who put me to shame with their level of thought. And people far older than me, still hankering after adulthood but not realising it in their tiny little world. The blog does not need to be an extreme literary composition to be classified as "mature".

And there are plenty of those. Beautiful phrases, expansive vocabulary, literary jargon may litter those journals, but there is a falseness to those things. It feels like the authors have been trained to think that way. It feels stilted somehow. The reality of their lives are there, but it feels stilted. And you have people who document their daily comings and goings and yet, somehow, in all that reserve, you sense their real self, and that real self puts you to shame with their maturity.

And of course, one can have both. A world-weariness, an ennui, very well documented.

But what is maturity? It does not have to be world-weariness, ennui, an unfelt pain all the time.

Criticism. I wonder. Different levels of thought. I did bump into something like this recently, signing up for a review. Should I leave it unnamed? As with all review sites these days, they ask for a "magic word". I read their rules. I read their scoring system. I did realise that they broke their "magic word" into two separate halves and wanted the complete whole in my request. But they didn't specify that the two halves had to be joined.

I think the devil got into me. I just felt cheeky. There was a loophole. I took it. Blending both halves into a carefully worded request, but not actually joining the words into one, yet satisfying what they asked for in writing, although not in spirit. I received a very nice and polite reply to read the pages again. So I wrote back explaining that I did use both halves.

But then, a day later, I realised that perhaps the review was more important to me than playing the fool. So I complied, toed the party line. But yes, when I did that, I thought they would get a laugh out of it and accept my request. After all, it fulfilled the criteria didn't it? But that didn't happen. Perhaps they did get a laugh out of it, but decided to ensure that everyone conforms to the norm so as to be fair to everyone else. Maybe. I wouldn't know what goes on behind the scenes.

I will probably post this after I get my review. Yes, it smacks of crass manipulation. But it is in the same way of never telling your Boss what you really think about him so that you can get your promotion or pay-rise. It's survival of the fittest. Oh what the hell, I will probably still feel superior even if I get told off in my review. Arrogant eh?

But to continue in the same vein. The forum I used to love to post in has degenerated into a farce. The moderators have become faceless gods who brook no opposition or deviation from the norm. No extremes of thought. I'm not one of the vocal discontented. I'm a good little girl. Conservative, and I toe the party line.

And I just woke up. So if you wish to make some sarcastic comment about how I try so hard to be pseudo-intellectual but show great flaws in my thinking processes, feel free to flame me. I do detest people like you. Nameless faceless idiots.