Sometimes I have fleeting thoughts on Capt. I wonder if he is healthy and recovering from the emotional scars I inflicted on him. Those thoughts are bubbles that dissipate faster than they come. I guess, he really is fading into the archived bits of memory I do retain..

Why? Simply because some nosy do-gooder decided to do a good deed and send it to him. In reply, I would like to continue with this, a reminder that harkens back to my old disclaimer, that as my mood is mercurial, so do my entries reflect that. One moment raging like the rapids, the other a calm, placid lake. And sometimes when the sloth in me rises, I do not even write at all. So perhaps it is much fairer not to judge someone between two entries that are perhaps a week apart. But the world does not act like this. Sadly.

As it is, one never does put down the deepest, darkest dirtiest recesses of one's soul.

Who would wish to admit that when you lie in someone's arms, you recall fleetingly, or sometimes not at all, the quip from another? A gesture well worn in memory's store, a quick flash of teeth? Perhaps the jolt of seeing someone whom, for a few seconds you thought was the Capt? Why should one record these banal, trivial details especially of a person you have resolved to set aside, and who is no longer current in your life and your thoughts, and should no longer be? It smacks of infidelity, and the steps of it poison the mind.

Hard hearted bitch? Like Hamlet's precious Gertrude, to discard one lover for the other so soon? But there is a pragmatic attitude there, towards life. You mourned already. Move on. A shedding of the past. Especially when one has made a decision and has resolved to keep it.

To be blamed and condemned, unjustly hurts more than when confronted with righteous and rightful ire. So be damned to you and your self-righteous tyranny. I detest people who form opinions without real impartiality, or even the pretence of it. At least pretence allows for the thin veneer of courtesy. The civilised steps of thinking that allows you time to stop and think and re-consider that there is more than just the superficial side of things.