I cannot pinpoint the exact detail that bugs me about his guestbook entry but it is probably the fact that he is far too candid and presumptuous in his opinions. He isn't here looking at things with a neutral eye. He never is neutral when it comes to the "men" problems in my life. Every guy wants to, in his own words, "get into my pants".

I can't blame him and his bloody jaundiced eye. As Jingle said before, I can't expect my (ex-)boyfriend to be happy when too much male companionship is around.

But to set the record straight, Capt did bloody say, " ... he is really guilty of being insensitive and not much more". It is just annoying because as I said before, Capt is like Paladin in some aspects, but more tolerable because the other bits of his personality make up for it. Most of the time. Obviously, this is one of those rare moments.

Oh wait maybe it is the bit about being "blind". I do detest criticism. Who doesn't? But criticism itches like bugs in my head because I tend to internalise it, when, given time I will probably realise it on my own, or in a worse-case scenario, be blissful in ignorance.

Hang on, I figured out why I am furious. I have told him time and again not to use my guestbook as a sounding board. It is an invasion of my control over my life. My journal is my baby, my opus, my work of art. To take over, even for a moment and presume to divulge what even I balk at writing down or give an unwarranted opinion is an attempt to seize power over my journal.

He never sees it that way. I am always over-reacting, which I am justified in doing so because I am sensitive about this issue, and I have raised it with him before. He always bloody apologises and then forgets all about it and then gets upset or mad when I flare up in a temper and snap at him for doing it again.

And this time, Capt does it in the bluntest (although thankfully not overly crude) language.

And for your information, just because I choose to ignore it, does not mean I am blind. And in Paladin's case, I have told you time and again, he is not interested. And even if he was, he has no guts to even attempt it.

So shut up about it already.

***

Alright, perhaps I have over-reacted. It is a stressful period for me. But it still feels like an invasion of privacy. I gave him the URL to this diary as a offering of trust. But there are still boundaries that even he has to adhere to. So I do feel justifiably upset when it seems like he is encroaching on whatever personal space I have left.

Maybe I should change my diary address.