My sister is considered the more naive of the two. I am supposedly more paranoid, more susceptible to the pangs of suspicion, but even now, older, wiser, more jaded, sometimes, you can see how lacking in experience I am in. Just because you see the world in one way, does not necessarily mean the world is viewed the same through someone else's eyes.

I wonder if my sister chafes at being under the yoke of being the baby of the house forever. I wonder if she resents the overweening, overbearing protection my scant seven years allow me to give. Sometimes. I know she chafes under my mom's tutelage, but even so, I like to think that perhaps, just perhaps it would be different for me.

***

How quaint. Beau has offered to share half the cost of my ticket to Melbourne. I agreed on the spur of the moment. A romantic getaway etc, etc. But now I am having second thoughts about the whole thing. I never do well with my Other Half's parental units.

Never.

Beneath the glow of love, you see the decay settling like a fine patina of dust eroding the surface.

So many messages from girls with little terms of endearments, sweettalk etc. Sure, it could be one-sided, he could just be receiving them, but why keep them unless he does treasure them somewhat? He never keeps my SMSes.

***

Tanith Lee wrote a story about Snow.

I wish I could write like her.

***

Beau has disgusting habits that I am not in the least inclined to discuss in detail, or even broadly. However, I am reconsidering the reasons for my apparent disgust. Is it an innate disgust brought about by my fear of dirt or pure common sense? Or is it a culturally taught prejudice?

***

I apologise for writing infrequently, and for writing in short snippets these days. But my thoughts scatter, my words are grudgingly painted out through short bursts of activity. My veins that once course with the molten beauty of words have dwindled and dried up, with nothing more than dried up husks and dust from long forgotten rote learning and old inspirations to give it a semblance of life.

My mind cannot retain much of vitality, beseiged as it is by endorphins, hormones and pain.

***